My cup runneth over.

I can proudly state that 2024 was one of the best years I have ever endured, even though I experienced one of the hardest trials I have ever been through.

Here are the 4 things I learned in 2024:

My year began with me turning the page into the second decade of my life on this earth; I turned 20 years old and told myself I would never look back. (content warning: suicidal ideation) A quick switch to February, I found myself on the hard floor of my dorm ready to take my own life. That night flashes before my eyes like a huge blur. I ended up solitary in a single hospital room that felt more like a prison cell than a place to get treated for my rest and health. I can still hear the screams from the man in the room next to me from time to time and envision the thin, white sheets that laid over my shaking body. I thought that I could never be free from my mind.

But God. But God, He lifted me out of the hell I’d been running from my entire life and said “There is hope.” All my life I have grown up aware of Christ and felt His presence, but not until 2024 was I able to grasp just what Jesus really did for me. I felt the love that Jesus has for me, even when I didn't love myself.

This is the story I’ll tell.

1. The Lord is My Shepherd.

Imagine yourself as a little lamb, lost and in need of guidance. Then Imagine yourself in a beautiful pasture next to calm waters. Now see a shepherd. Your shepherd. Coming after you, wanting to lead and take care of you. He has a home for you. He’s holding out His hand for you. Will you take it?

After being transferred from the hospital to a behavioral center, the road to recovery was just starting. I was stripped from the entire outside world. No social media. No cellphone (you could call people though of course). No school. No external busyness culture pounding at your head. This may sound scary to some, but this was exactly what I needed. In order to find peace and look into Christ’s eyes again, I had to be striped from everything around me. I found Christ again at 2am sitting alone in a cold, thin hospital bed at that behavioral center. My thoughts were swarming with anxiety, once again prohibiting me from sleeping. I looked over to find the Bible that my mother had dropped off for me. For some reason, I randomly decided to I flip to Psalm 23 and it read,

1 The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.

About three weeks after reading this passage in the hospital, I went on a life-changing trip to Northern Ireland and I ironically, just so happened to walk by a green pasture next to still waters. Two sheep stood, just like the depiction God showed in Genesis 6:20. I cannot deny that God was right there with me in that moment. My shepherd pursues me and His arms are open wide. He is holding out not just for me but for you too. 🤍

2. Slow the heck down.

What are you running from? Filling your schedule with a million different things does not solve what you’re chasing after. I genuinely thought I could juggle everything myself and was too prideful to lean on God for help. After February, I realized just how many things I needed to let go of to allow myself to be at rest. Hear me out when I say this, because I know that it is so hard to truly uphold this: It is okay to say no. I had to make the difficult decision to quit one of my on-campus jobs and drop a class. I hated the feeling of being a “quitter” because I never imagined myself not finishing something that I had committed to. Less is indeed more, though. I found the few things that truly fulfill me and they have allowed me to put my all into what I love doing now. I recommend to anyone: Go outside at least one time during the week and be in silence with nature. Listen to God’s earth and enjoy where your feet are planted.

3. Peace comes with gratitude.

As I continued into recovery I learned that in order to obtain peace, I had to practice gratitude. The life of a follower of Christ does not entail perfection or freedom from hardships. The life of a follower of Christ entails a desire to choose holiness over happiness. I’m not saying at all that you do not have happiness when you follow Christ, you definitely do lol. But rather, it is an understanding that this world will never bring everlasting happiness, but joy from the spirit can. Joy, meaning, I can feel gratitude and a sense of peace even when difficult circumstances come. Happiness is circumstantial. We naturally find the negative more than we see the positive in this world. Yet it is so much easier to be at peace when we sit with the good. The good that we do have in our life because we were made by a good God. If this is hard to wrestle with or understand, boy do I totally get it! You are not alone. It took me nearly 10 years of pursing Christ for it to click with me.

See, it all changed when I realized Christ is not just my Savior but my LORD too. He is our Lord and Savior. Our Savior—He died for us to save us. We are free in Him from all of our sins. Have you ever thought though, “Well…if He always saves me, why is it so bad to sin since I know I can just ask for forgiveness every time I mess up?” This is such a valid way of thinking when first walking with Christ; but what we often miss, or what I missed, is that Christ is called to be the Lord of my life as well. I should seek to wake up every morning and choose Him. He became my Lord when I wanted to live my life everyday pursuing Him rather than my own desires. I chose to look through the lens of gratification, which ultimately brought me peace.

4. Find Community that Makes You Feel Valued.

We are not designed to be alone. Isolation destroys. This is something I still struggle with every single day, but it is a valuable realization that I was able to gain this year. Almost every time I am with others I think to myself “They don’t really like me. I’m weird. Would they even care if I was not here.” These are such dangerous lies that we tell ourselves. Why do we put effort into people or groups that make us feel worse about ourselves? Finding people that genuinely cared about me and showed me love, as well as accountability is where it all changed for me. You do not have to be in a “friend group” or have a ton of friends to feel loved. Just a handful of people you can count on is enough. If you are a close friend of mine reading this, know how grateful I am for you.

It is so difficult to put myself out there like this and be vulnerable, but I believe that there is someone out there that may need to hear my story. I do not want anyone to ever feel alone. To the reader: I have prayed over you, and I wish you blessings into 2025. We got this! :)